Pictured with famous author, speaker and trainer
friend, Shirley Taylor in communication mode!
Active listening is a skill. It's not easy to do,
and it takes a lot of patience to learn how to do it.
But it's well worth doing it.
Most of the time when we're listening to someone
talk, our minds are full of internal chatter, and
getting ready to answer or refute the speaker. What
chance do we give ourselves to understand what the
speaker is really trying to say?
Active listening is listening to understand, not to
agree or disagree. We can listen to the other
person, understand them completely, and still keep
what we think and feel what's right for us. Once
you've listened with understanding, then you've
earned the right to speak and to make your point.
During the listening with the speaker, you can
say something
like, "So what you're telling me is...and...
so....blah
blah... have I got that right? Hmmm, well, I'm still
concerned about how you're going to address the
issue of blah blah...and I'd like to hear what some of
your options are on that."
This way, communication is a dance with
both listening to each other so that we don't step
on each other's toes. Stephen Covey in his
seminal book, the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People,
wrote "Seek first to understand, then to be
understood." That is exactly what I'm saying.
You can see your communication skills
improving, and your relationships with others getting
far
better when you learn and practise the skills of
active listening. You'll go a long way in building
better relationships with people!
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Correction
In last month's newsletter, I
misquoted what I said about my friend Dilip
Mukerjea's thoughts on 'potential'
and I'd like to make a correction on what I thought
he said:
"NEVER focus on your potential. It is future
focused, so between that future point and where
you are now, there is a gap; this gap allows the
distinct possibility for your plans and dreams to be
sabotaged.
Focus instead, on your capacity; it is
infinite, and in the present, thus there is no gap.
With focus on your capacity, rest assured that
whatever your INTENTION, you can realise it by
tapping into your capacity (now!) and acting on it
(now!) so that it all becomes real in real time." :O))
So that corrects the misinterpretation - thanks
Dilip for bringing this up to me!
I think that this is sage advice. Most times, we wait
for the 'right' timing, or frighten ourselves into
thinking that we can't do it yet. The secret to life is
in just doing it, with proper planning, of course, and
then to learn as we go along rather than waiting for
our 'potential' to happen.
Use our current capacity, the man says,
don't wait for a 'someday, I'll...' mentality. Do it!
Boldness has genius, power and magic in it, said
Goethe. I certainly back that up!
