Pictured with Carine Ng and Dave Tan of Prudential Training & Development where I've collaborated with them to run "The Heart of Leadership" 2-day programme for Prudential Insurance Agency Leaders and Business Development Managers.

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This month, I pick up on Earl Nightingale's writings on conversation. Earl, as some of you may know, died several years ago. He was one of America's greatest speakers, winning the prestigious "Golden Gavel" Award many times and he had a voice that you'd kill for. He was also one of the many speakers that I modelled my voice on.

The experts claim that one of the most serious problems of marriage or relationships and one of the prime causes for its failure is the inability or unwillingness of husbands and wives to talk to each other.

It seems that the longer two people live together, the more they seem to take each other for granted. It's very much like driving a brand new car - at first, it's exciting and interesting and all consuming. But over time, well, it's just...a car. Remember: People are not machines, and this kind of attitude towards a husband or a wife is toxic to a happy marriage.

You see many couples with such an attitude put on the appearance or what looks like a marriage. But it's only a matter of contract and convenience, with all sparkle, interest, and curiosity lost.

Let's face it. If there's anyone on earth to whom you can talk to and enjoy talking to, it must be the person you have married. One of the problems seems to be 'letting it all down'. In other words, you're so used to each other that you use the home like a cave where you feel you don't have to behave yourself, and can just let go completely when you come home from work. It won't work if two people are living together.

Should the home be as important as the office? If a man or woman does their best all day to be courteous and cheerful and enthusiastic to get along the people they work with, don't they have to make the same effort at home?

I would argue that a wife is so much more important that the boys or girls at the office, and that one would think that he would go out of his way to be charming, interesting, romantic, cheerful and, in general, to be the guy that the wife knew before they were married!

The same is true for the wife. If she's having the girls over for lunch, she's really 'the hostest with the mostest'. She selects the food with care, cooks it the same way, sees that her hair and dress looks nice. All during lunch, she's witty, perfectly charming and uplifting. She's listens with empathy and she laughs along with her friends.

But what happens when her husband comes home? Does she give the same treatment to the husband? Does she make a point to look her best? She should, if she cares. After all, he is the most important person in the her life...isn't he?

Now, let's come to the most important point of conversation, the point where most marriage experts say is the acid that dissolves many marriages down. What does she have to say? Well, what she should talk about are all the nice things that happened during the day, the funny things that their children did, or how lovely it is to have a wonderful husband. Anything, as long as it's cheerful and upbeat. She can talk about a magazine article she read, she can talk about some important news, or she can share in some happy story at her workplace. And also ask him what happened during the day.

Surprisingly, many people who understand the importance of good conversation sometimes fail to recogise its place in the home. A man and his wife should have more to talk about than any two people on the planet. And all it takes is a little effort, and an awareness of just how important it is.

A man of sense and education should meet a suitable companion in a wife. It is a miserable thing when the conversation can only be such as to whether the mutton should be boiled or roasted, and probably a dispute about that...Samuel Johnson

Pictured with the graduating group of happy participants in the JobsDB public seminar, "Dynamics of Persuasive Presentations" held at Grand Hyatt Hotel on Jul 21-22, 2005

I'm especially thrilled and delighted that Eileen Lee (standing next to me, on my left) has joined my business. She's responsible for Market Development, and we're looking forward to some big things happening in the near future for all of us! So stay tuned!

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Nerves. Do you feel nervous when you're making a presentation? Does your mouth get dry and you don't know how to still your hands that seem to wander everywhere? Well, don't worry, most people do feel some nervousness whenever they're making a presentation.

In almost all of my presentation skills classes, most participants say they have a fear of presenting or speaking in public. Yes, most people do have a fear of doing this and I think it's related to the Fear of Rejection or Fear of Being Wrong or Fear of Being Challenged. No matter how you present, these fear factors will always be present in a lesser or greater amount. The trick is to manage it.

Here's some tips from me that addresses this problem: Tips on breaking through and reducing fear

• Spend as much as time as you can in preparation & rehearsal!
• Admit your fear ñ work out what is the worst case scenario, then plan to work out how to address it to ensure you are successful.
• Minimise your fears by your attitude and positive self-talk
• Manage your emotions ñ know what the feelings are, identify where they are in your body, and then take action to come up with strategies to overcome your fear
• Avoid visions of doom and gloom ñ be realistic, develop more control, reduce your stress response
• Tap into the energy that fear produces ñ use it to energise yourself rather than allow it to work negatively and sap your power
• Visualise yourself as a powerful and interesting speaker ñ see yourself giving a thoroughly successful presentation from start to finish
• Make self-affirmations such as, ìPeople listen to me when I speak because I have something of value to say!î
• See your audience as your ally ñ focus on their needs
• Give yourself permission to make mistakes ñ donít be perfect, challenge yourself to do your best
• Trust in your abilities ñ believe in yourself, your ideas and the value they have for your audience. Be self-confident, act assuredly, be in control.
• Laugh ñ it releases tension. Remember to do some of the stress-relieving exercises before you get on stage.
• Be there ñ become totally involved in the moment and deliver your presentation with passionate

Just remember this ñ when you see your family doctor, he or she does not fall into a panic when confronted with your hacking cough, aches and pains. A good soccer player does not crumble when faced with a strong opponent, and a good presenter does not crumble when facing a discerning audience.

Have a great month. On second thoughts, MAKE it a great month ahead!

Lead With Passion!

Ricky
PS: Drop me a line or two and tell me what you would like to read more of. Any comments or feedback? I'd love to hear from you!