It was the day when I received my O' level results when my friends decided to paint the town red as we had passed with flying colours. I was extremely thrilled by the idea as it was a golden opportunity for me to stay out late. Only once in a blue moon would my parents allow me to stay out late with my friends and it was a perfect excuse. I was given the green light to celebrate with them that evening and promised to be back by midnight.

At 2am, when they did not find me in my bed, they were white with rage. Little did they realise that I was fast asleep on my sofa in the living room until they switched on the lights and found my confused face gray with exhaustion, waking up and walking towards my room, still in a daze. My mother was tickled pink when she saw my expression and my dad felt relieved that I was home safe and sound.

How colourful was my life then and even more colourful today as I experience more emotions daily. At various times I feel green with envy, red with embarrassment, falling into a black mood or a purple passion, and when things are looking up, I feel in the pink.

Colours colour our language. These are simple and common metaphors we can use to enliven our speech daily. A metaphor (the word originally meant "carry beyond") is a figure of speech that merges two objects or ideas that are, for the most part, different from each other but turn out to be alike in some significant way. We usually think of metaphors as figurative devices that only poets create but, in fact, all of us make metaphors during almost every moment of our waking lives.

Here's a challenge for you. Could you tell me how many colour metaphors I have used in the first and second paragraphs, and the meaning of each metaphor used? E-mail your answers to afizah@mindsetmedia.com.sg and the person with all the correct answer will receive a special poetry (via e-mail) to enjoy!

"Language is a fossil poetry which is constantly being worked over for the uses of our speech. Our commonest words are worn-out metaphors." ñ James Bradstreet Greenough and George Lyman Kittredge

Each had actually only paid $8.33, which adds up to the $25 for the bill. Add the $0.666 each for the $2 tip and you've got the $9 each paid for both the bill plus the tip! So $27 already includes the tip and should not be added again to make $29!

The 90/10 Principle

Discover the 90/10 Principle. It will change your life (at least the way you react to situations). What is this principle? 10% of life is made up of what happens to you and you have no control over it. 90% is decided by how you react. What does this mean?

You cannot stop the car from breaking down; the plane being late in arriving, throwing our whole schedule off. A driver may cut you off in traffic. You had no control over this 10% but only You can determine the other 90% through your reactions. Let's use an example to illustrate this principle.

You are eating breakfast with your family. Your daughter knocks over a cup of coffee onto your business shirt. You had no control over what just happened. What happens next will be determined by how you react. You burst into anger. You harshly scold your daughter for knocking the cup over. She breaks down in tears. After scolding her, you turn to your spouse and criticize her for placing the cup too close to the edge of the table. A short verbal battle follows.

You storm upstairs and change your shirt. Back downstairs, you find your daughter has been too busy crying to finish breakfast and get ready for school. She misses the bus. Your spouse has left for work in a huff. You rush to the car and drive your daughter to school, scolding her throughout. After a 15-minute delay and earning a $300 fine coupled with 6 demerit points for speeding, you arrive at school. Your daughter runs into the building without saying goodbye. You arrive at the office 20 minutes late and you boss wants to see you immediately in his office.

Who caused this bad day?

A) Did the coffee cause it?
B) Did your daughter cause it?
C) Did the policeman cause it?
D) Did you cause it?

The answer is obviously D. How you reacted in those 5 seconds after the coffee spill was what caused your bad day. Here is what could have and should have happened:

Coffee splashes over you. Your daughter is about to cry. You gently say, "It's ok honey, you just need to be more careful next time". Grabbing a towel you rush upstairs. After changing into a new shirt, you come back down in time to look through the window and see your child getting on the bus. She waves cheerfully, blowing kisses. You kiss your spouse before you go to work. You arrive 5 minutes early and cheerfully greet the staff. Your boss comments on how good you look today.

Notice the difference? Two different scenarios. Both started the same way. Both ended differently. Why? Because of how you REACTED.

Maideen says

If someone says something negative about you, don't be a sponge. Let the attack roll off like water on glass. You don't have to let the negative comment affect you. React properly and it will not ruin your day. The 90-10 principle is incredible. It seems simple common sense but very few apply this principle! The result? Millions of people are suffering from undeserved stress, court trials, problems and heartaches. They never seem to be a success in life. Bad days follow bad days. There is constant stress, lack of joy, and broken relationships. Worry consumes most of their time and life seems dreary, cruel and a chore.

Does this describe you? If so, do not be discouraged. You can be different! Understand and apply the 90/10 principle. It will change your life! It will also allow you more time to smell the roses.

E-mail me your take on the 90-10 principle at maideenvk@mindsetmedia.com.sg.

From Virginia Satir, one of the greatest family therapists ever (1916-1988), from the book, The Satir Model by Banmen, Gerber and Gomori, page 25, 1990

I Am Me
In all the world there is no one else exactly like me.
Everything that comes out of me is authentically mine because I alone chose it.

I own everything about me - my body, my feelings, my mouth, my voice;
All my actions, whether they be to others or to myself, I own my fantasies, my dreams, my hopes, my fears.

I own all my triumphs and successes, all my failures and mistakes.
Because I own all of me, I can become intimately acquainted with me.

By doing so, I can love me and be friendly with me in all my parts.
I know there are aspects about myself that puzzle me, and other aspects that I do not know.

But as long as I am friendly and loving to myself, I can encourage me
And hopefully look for solutions to the puzzles and for ways to find out more about me.

However I look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever I think and feel at a given moment in time is authentically me.
Later, if some parts of how I looked, sounded, thought, and felt turn out

To be unfitting, I can discard that which is unfitting, keep the rest,
And invent something new for that which I discarded.

I can see, hear, feel, think, say, and do.
I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be
Productive, and to make sense and order out of the world of people

And things outside of me.
I own me, and therefore I can engineer me.

I am me and I am okay.

What an absolutely inspiring piece of writing by the great Virginia Satir!