To get to the centre of the argument, you need to consider how to get past the prickly bits of the durian fruit and into the heart of the matter!

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Do you often argue? Why do we argue? So when you win the argument, have you really won when the other has lost his or her sense of security? When you bulldoze your way through with your point of view, can it hurt others?

Well, I tend to say...yes...it can make you the loser when you win on points, but lose out on the relationship. Getting to the heart of the matter is a matter of nurturing and honouring all those who are involved in the argument. We argue when we feel that our interests are being threatened or that we're not being heard.

So when our emotions are high, there is no way that logic or reasoning can co-exist at the same time when we or the other is raging. When we empathise and listen carefully and deeply to the other, the other gets a sense of caring. Naturally, you must take this step with sincerity and authenticity, else more harm than good will come out of it.

Being authentic means that you do care what happens at the heart level of the other. By engaging and being authentic, the other responds far better, and in any argument, compromise or collaboration can happen very quickly when you hear and feel the heart of the other, then make discussions to work to a joint solution.

Being authentic is being the best person you can be to get along with the other. Until you hear the other's heartfelt concerns, you won't be able to establish rapport and understanding. Once you can do this, then getting to the heart of the matter becomes much easier without the protective mask (husk) of the durian!

Yes, embrace getting to the heart of the matter. That way, you can enjoy the fruit at the centre, but only having carefully handled the prickly bits on the outside.

Enjoy the fruits of life in your relationships by being your genuine and believable self - that is, be authentic.

And importantly, study, practice and internalise the patterns of successful speech that will surely win you more friends and influence others!

From Stuart Wilde, one of my favourite philosophers, from his book, The Secrets of Life

On Money, Emotion and Security

To the man on the street money is the God Force. It is the one thing that allows him to feel a sense of security and a sense of purpose.

Through money he experiences the ability to control his life. Because it is such a symbol of status and security, it is natural therefore that money and emotion go hand-in-hand. That's why everybody's tearing around like chickens with their heads cut off trying to get it.

However, the more you surround your money-making ventures with emotions and insecurity, the less money you will have. That explains why most people don't have any real money to speak of, in spite of going bonkers fifteen hours a day for years, trying to acquire it.

Once you "click" your mind from money-equals- security, to money-equals-creative freedom, then your emotions relax and you don't have to chase money 'round and 'round like an idiot. It will just jump into your lap.

You'll like that a lot better.

What do you think about Stuart's philosophy? Any comments? Do write to me if you have any thoughts to add to his.